If you suspect something

Signs your parent is being scammed, and how to raise it without a fight

Updated 30 July 2026 · 11 min read · Written in Australia

The short answer: the strongest signal isn't a payment — it's secrecy. Scammers work by isolating a target, so new privacy about a phone or computer, withdrawal from usual routines, or a friendship they won't discuss matters more than any single message. And when you raise it, resist the instinct to lay out all your evidence at once: clinicians who work with victims say that's the approach most likely to make someone stop listening and start defending. Ask about the person, not the money.

If you're here because something feels off but you can't prove anything, that instinct is worth taking seriously. Families almost always sense it before they can demonstrate it — and the gap between suspecting and proving is exactly where most of the money goes.

The signs that actually matter

Most lists lead with unexplained payments. Those matter, but they're usually late. The behavioural changes come first.

Secrecy and withdrawal

New privacy about a phone or computer — taking calls in another room, turning a screen away, a device that's suddenly password-protected when it never was.
Pulling back from normal routines — skipping bowls, church, the walking group, or family lunches, particularly if it coincides with being available for someone else's calls.
A friendship or relationship they won't discuss, or become irritated about being asked about.
Defending someone you've never met, sometimes with more energy than the question warranted.

Scammers isolate deliberately, because isolation is what stops a second opinion from arriving. That's why secrecy is the highest-value signal — it's not a side effect of the scam, it's a design feature of it.

Money

Withdrawals or transfers they won't explain, or explain vaguely.
Unusual payment methods — gift cards, cryptocurrency, or transfers to individuals rather than businesses. Almost no legitimate Australian organisation asks to be paid in gift cards.
New debt where there wasn't any: a personal loan, a credit card, redrawing on a mortgage, or an early release request against superannuation.
Bills or rates falling behind while money is clearly going somewhere.

The one that's close to conclusive

If they've been told what to say to the bank, stop worrying about whether it's a scam. Any version of "if they ask, say it's for home renovations" or "don't mention my name to them" is coaching, and no legitimate payee coaches anyone through their own bank's fraud questions. This is the single most reliable sign on this page, and it's the one most families don't think to ask about.

Signs it's an active, ongoing scam rather than a one-off

The person is never quite available in real time. A partner or friend who can't video call, or only very briefly, or whose camera never works. Endless plausible reasons for not meeting: working offshore, a family emergency, a customs problem, a hospital stay.
The story escalates. Requests start small and grow — and each new crisis conveniently requires slightly more than the last.
Deadlines keep moving. They were going to visit at Easter, then June, then "as soon as this clears".
Investment "returns" they can see but can't withdraw. A dashboard showing growth is trivial to fake. Getting money out is the test, and there's always a fee or a tax standing in the way.

Why the obvious approach backfires

The natural instinct is to build a case: screenshots, reverse image searches, news articles about identical scams, a timeline of payments. Then sit them down and present it.

Clinicians who work with romance-scam victims say this is the approach most likely to fail. Presenting everything at once tends to make the person feel judged rather than informed, and shifts them from listening to defending themselves. Families frequently report the same pattern: the harder they insist, the further the person withdraws, sometimes cutting off contact altogether — while the payments quietly continue.

There's a reason logic lands so poorly, and it isn't stupidity or dementia.

By the time you're worried, they may have sent money several times. Admitting it's a scam now means accepting all of it at once: the money, the deception, the embarrassment, and often the loss of a relationship that has become genuinely important to them. Continuing to believe is, in that moment, the cheaper option. One Australian family described watching a parent send money for over two years and concluded: "deep down I believe he knows he is being scammed."

Which reframes what you're actually trying to do. You are not trying to win an argument. You're trying to make it survivable for them to change their mind — and to stay in contact while they get there.

How to raise it

Ask, don't tell. "How did you two meet?" and "what's he like?" get you further than "I think this is a scam." Curiosity keeps the conversation open; a verdict closes it.
One question, then stop. Plant a single doubt and leave it. "Has he ever been able to video call?" is more effective than forty minutes of evidence, because they have to answer it themselves, later, alone.
Attack the crime, never the judgement. "These people do this professionally and they're extremely good at it" is true and lets them save face. "How did you not see it?" guarantees the shutters come down.
Don't demand a decision. Asking someone to end it today forces them to defend it today. Asking them to pause — make no payment this week, wait until you've talked again — is a much smaller step, and it's the one that actually stops money moving.
Stay in the room. Whatever happens, don't make contact with you conditional on them agreeing. The moment you become another person they're hiding from, the scammer has what they need.
Let a third party be the sceptic. "Would you be willing to run it past the bank?" or a financial counsellor moves the doubt off you and onto someone with no history in the family.

Do keep your own records, quietly. Dates, amounts, account details, phone numbers, screenshots. Not to confront them with — to give the bank, and to have ready if this ends up with a tribunal or the police. A chronological log showing small requests escalating into larger ones is exactly what investigators look for, and it's much harder to reconstruct later.

If they won't listen

This is the part most guides skip, and it's the reason most people are searching.

Start with the honest constraint: a competent adult in Australia is entitled to spend their own money badly. You cannot freeze a parent's accounts because you disagree with them. Families who assume otherwise lose months to that discovery. The realistic options are these, roughly in order.

Tell their bank yourself. You don't need their permission to raise a concern. Banks have specialist teams for suspected financial abuse and scams, and the Banking Code requires extra care with vulnerable customers — but a bank usually only knows if someone tells them. They can add monitoring, flag unusual transfers, and speak to your parent directly, which sometimes lands better coming from them than from you.
Ring the National Elder Abuse phone line: 1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374). Free, and it redirects to the service in your state or territory. Worth knowing that hours vary by state and these lines are not crisis services — but they'll talk through options and refer you on. The government's compass.info is the companion resource.
Get a financial counsellor involved — National Debt Helpline, 1800 007 007. Free, independent, confidential, 9:30am–4:30pm weekdays. Especially valuable if debt has appeared, and a neutral professional often gets heard where family can't.
Older Persons Advocacy Network: 1800 700 600. Free and independent, focused on people connected to Commonwealth-funded aged care services.
Get legal advice on capacity — the bar is high, but not quite where people assume. Financial administration orders are mainly for adults who have lost decision-making capacity, and they are not a remedy for decisions a family considers foolish. But the test varies by state and is not purely about cognition: NSW's tribunal has committed the estate of an 80-year-old scam victim recorded as having normal cognitive competence, where the losses had created a risk of homelessness. Severity of harm matters, not just diagnosis. Each state and territory has its own tribunal and Public Advocate, and if an existing enduring power of attorney is being misused, that is something a tribunal can investigate.
If you are worried about their safety or state of mind, Lifeline is on 13 11 14, 24 hours. Scam losses cause real psychological harm, and shame is the dominant emotion — not regret.

One thing to say early, whatever else happens. Tell them that anyone offering to recover the money for a fee is a second scam. No legitimate body — not the police, Scamwatch, the ACCC or any bank — charges to recover funds. One in three scam victims is scammed more than once, and recovery scams target precisely the people who have just lost money. This warning costs you nothing and doesn't require them to admit anything.

Why you probably noticed and they didn't

It helps to know this isn't about capability. Around a third of Australians under 60 say they're confident spotting a scam; over 60 it drops to about one in five. People over 65 account for roughly 31% of losses reported to Scamwatch while being a little over 17% of the population.

That's structural, not personal. They answer calls from unknown numbers. They're more often home when the phone rings. They were raised when a caller claiming to be from the bank almost certainly was from the bank. And they have savings worth stealing.

It also helps to know why they may not tell you even after the fact. More than 90% of Australians think talking about scams with family helps — but only 8% say they'd be comfortable telling their family they'd been scammed. Silence is the norm, not a warning sign about your relationship.

Once things are calmer

Being straight about this: nothing on this page is a fix for a scam that's already underway. An active romance or investment scam is a human problem, and it usually takes time, a third party, and a relationship you've kept intact. No service resolves it for you.

What you can change is the next one. The reason a first scam so often becomes a second is that the underlying situation hasn't moved: they're still deciding alone, in the moment, under pressure, with no quick way to get a second opinion that doesn't involve admitting doubt to their own family.

That's the gap Is it a scam? is built for. One Australian number saved in their phone, that they can forward anything to — a text, an email, a photo of a letter, or a typed description of a phone call — and a plain-English answer in seconds. No app, nothing new to learn. When something is genuinely a scam, the family is told; when it's nothing, nobody is bothered. And because it's a service rather than a relative, using it costs them nothing in pride — which is usually what determines whether it gets used at all.

Common questions

What is the strongest single sign my parent is being scammed?

Secrecy. New privacy about a phone or computer, withdrawal from usual routines, or a friendship they won't discuss. Scammers isolate their targets deliberately, because isolation prevents a second opinion. Unexplained payments matter too, but they usually appear later than the behavioural changes.

My parent has been told what to tell the bank. Is that definitive?

Close to it. Being coached on what to say to their own bank — "say it's for renovations", "don't mention my name" — has no legitimate explanation. No genuine payee helps someone get past their bank's fraud checks. Treat it as the clearest sign on this page and raise it with the bank directly.

Should I show them all the evidence I've gathered?

Generally no, not all at once. Clinicians working with victims report that presenting everything together makes people feel judged and pushes them into defending rather than reconsidering. One specific question they have to answer for themselves — "has he ever been able to video call?" — tends to do more than a full case. Keep your records for the bank instead.

Can I stop my parent sending money if they refuse to accept it's a scam?

Usually not directly. A competent adult in Australia can spend their own money as they choose, and you can't freeze their accounts over a disagreement. What you can do is notify their bank, involve a financial counsellor or the elder abuse phone line, and get legal advice about capacity. Financial administration orders are mainly for loss of decision-making capacity rather than unwise decisions — though the test varies by state and NSW's tribunal has made an order for a scam victim recorded as cognitively normal where the losses risked leaving her homeless. Get advice on your own state's test rather than assuming.

Who can I call in Australia for help with this?

1800 ELDERHelp (1800 353 374) is the national elder abuse phone line and redirects to your state or territory service — note hours vary and it isn't a crisis line. The National Debt Helpline on 1800 007 007 provides free financial counselling. OPAN is on 1800 700 600. For distress or safety concerns, Lifeline is on 13 11 14, 24 hours.

Should I contact their bank without telling them?

You can, and it's often reasonable. You don't need their consent to raise a concern, and banks have specialist teams for suspected scams and financial abuse. Consider telling your parent you've done it, though — discovering it later can feel like being managed, and keeping their trust matters more over time than any single intervention.

They've cut me off since I raised it. What now?

Don't make contact conditional on them agreeing with you. Keep the door open, stay in touch about ordinary things, and let a third party carry the scepticism — the bank, a financial counsellor, a GP. Isolation is what the scam needs, so remaining reachable is itself protective, even when it feels like doing nothing.

Is it worth acting if the amounts are small so far?

Yes. Scams escalate by design: small requests build trust and commitment before larger ones arrive. Small early payments are the best possible moment to intervene, because less has been invested and it's easier for them to change their mind without having to write off a large loss.

Give them a second opinion that isn't you

Is it a scam? gives your parents one number to send anything to — a text, an email, or a photo of a letter — and a calm answer in seconds. Asking it costs them nothing in pride, which is usually what decides whether they ask at all.

See how it works

Written by the Is it a scam? team. We build scam protection for older Australians and their families, from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Our verdicts come from a rules engine with published reasoning — not a guess.